THE FIVE LOVE LANGUAGES: What’s yours?

Shannon Silver & Erik Schuchard in Barcelona Spain • essellesse talks the five love languages & especially receiving gifts

I forget the details, but years ago, Erik & I weren’t seeing eye to eye on something.

Like any good girl, I went to confide in my girlfriend, Cherie {her blog is amazing btw}. The VERY first thing she asked was “what are your love languages?”

Wait what?

This was the first time I’ve ever heard the term “love language”.

I asked her what she meant and she told me there are 5 different love languages and sent me this quiz to figure out mine.

I’ll get into my scores later but I did. & it was eye opening to me – knowing my love language answered everything.

I sent the quiz to Erik, & he took it too.

Long story short, where I scored the highest, he scored the lowest.

It was as if the clouds parted – EVERYTHING made sense to me.

There are 5 different love languages: quality time, acts of service, physical touch, gift giving, & words of affirmation.

My love language is gift giving by a landslide with my second language being quality time. Then: words of affirmation, acts of service, & interestingly enough, I scored zero on physical touch.

If we are being totally honest, it all made perfect sense. First of all, I HATE BEING TOUCHED. I actually hate getting massages for this reason & if I ever get my nails done {which I also don’t enjoy – I much prefer to do it at home}, I always ask to skip the shoulder/leg massage. Physically, I’m not the most affectionate person and can come off as pretty cold. Though my handshake is strong, it’s something I dread doing & there’s always a very awkward moment when I’m introduced to someone and I have no idea what to do: do I hug? shake hands? bow? kiss on the cheek? This may sound crazy but I can’t stand being touched.

Erik scored quality time being his highest by a landslide & receiving gifts at the lowest.

INTERESTING, right?

the five love languages • shannon silver and erik schuchard on film

Gift giving is an interesting one & I did a LOT of reading on it afterwards. In fact, even in other blogs I read, many didn’t score high on that.

& personally, I think gifts is the most misunderstood love language.

If you know me, I’m HUGE on gifts. If I consider you a friend, believe me, you’ve had a gift from me.

It’s not about materialism at all – instead, it’s about the thought & effort to put something together… does that make sense?

I don’t want a gift to be spoiled, but I love the start to finish of it. First, coming up with the idea, putting it in action, getting everything presented, presenting the gift, & then putting it to use. This all gives me such great pleasure on BOTH ends, giving & receiving.

In fact, it’s something I found about me over the years that is kind of awkward to other people… I am extremely generous & always giving gifts or treating people. Constantly. I just can’t help it. Erik & I joke that I’m like a cat bringing birds lol

If I love you, I have to treat you – I really just can’t help it!

It’s funny because I also don’t expect gifts, but when I get them? omg it means the world. I hold on to them forever.

It may sound selfish, but I promise it isn’t, when someone’s love language is gifts, special occasions are a huge deal. A friend of mine would always joke that she loved my birthday because it was always a huge event. In fact, I always related to Stassi in the early episodes of Vanderpump Rules on her birthday LOL

…I type this as we have my birthday vaca planned to a T & fully booked. Birthdays are a big deal & Erik every year always finds a way to make them special.

It’s also something I do often for myself {…& can get a little dangerous} if I’m having a bad day, it’s so very tempting for me to find something to get myself a little something to feel better. Sometimes it’s something online or sometimes it’s even a Seamless treat… but it’s always something very specific & at the time feels special when I get it to treat myself. Same with celebrating big events!

Here is another thing: I also throw cooking into the gifts category. Some may argue that it’s an act of service, but I see it as a gift. It’s something I personally find so much enjoyment from. When I plan our dinners, I can’t even begin to tell you how much thought goes into it. I see sharing meals as one of the most intimate things you can do with someone. Is that weird? I don’t see it as a chore or a service act at all. Instead, I see it as gift & one of the best you can give or receive.

In fact, one thing I found interesting is that I scored low on acts of service. I feel like gifts & acts of service can be a little blurry & I’m so far on the gift spectrum so maybe that’s why?

the five love languages on lifestyle blog essellesse • shannon silver and erik schuchard drink estrella damm in barcelona, spain

If your friend or partner’s love language is gift giving, here are some easy ways to speak that language that isn’t just buying gifts:

bake cookies or prepare a dessert to surprise them with

get random things they like “just because”. it’s always such a fun treat when Erik secretly buys an ice cream he knows I’ll like.

anything that might be an inside joke or something you are doing together can make such fun gifts! Erik & I are learning Japanese and I found a Japanese Stationary Store in Cow Hollow so I got him a Japanese blank journal full of drawings of a tuna. We have a few inside jokes with the cat so a lot of my gifts will generally have a card referring to her

make a playlist to send to your friend / partner! I love when people send this to me “for a Monday” or of the like. On the other side, check out my playlists here!!

plan a romantic dinner for two: cocktail hour with snacks, the main course, & big dessert. Keep a theme going! { if you need some recipe inspo }

Surprise your partner at work with a Seamless delivery! I remember once Erik sent me some boba teas out of the blue & it made my entire day

this may sound silly but Erik & I keep a google doc of random things we want that we update sporadically so we have it on hand when the occasion arises. There’s ALWAYS something we forgot that we added on it!

celebrate little things! we like to celebrate my San Franniversary, which was when I moved here from Texas. We have a few random things that we celebrate and sometimes, like the saying goes, sometimes having a chilled bottle of champagne in the fridge is reason to celebrate

Here is the test! I highly urge you to have your partner take it too. It answers so many questions & it allows me to know how to truly communicate my love to Erik, as well as my close friends. There are various tests: teens, relationships, singles, & children.

It’s totally okay to have different love languages! It’s all about knowing how to speak them. In fact, Erik & I have taken SO MANY personality tests and we talk about them constantly. It really allows us to know each other… interestingly enough, we are exactly the same on the Myers Briggs! Can you guess what we are?

I’ve also asked my girlfriends over cocktails what their love language is too. As a friend, it’s important to know so I know how to speak it & show them love how they know it… though I guarantee they’ve all been bombarded with gifts or treated to plenty of dinners whether or not it’s their language because I just can’t help it lol

How about you – what’s your love language?

xx SLS

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  • ‘twas a good weekend 🌉 enjoyed every sunset, went wine tasting in Healdsburg, & had a lazy totally disconnected Sunday {finished @cw_crazyxgf and the series finale was seriously one of the best I’ve ever seen 10/10 recc - I really LOVED the last season too} ✨ now back to work! hope y’all had a lovely weekend too 🥰 #slssunset #slsootd
  • Erik and I are trying something new for cooking! This helps us shop smaller and really reduce food waste. I explain it here in more detail. Here is everything I bought for the next couple of days while I’m in control of the kitchen!

note: we already had some vegetables and grains so things may look a bit light - sorry, forgot to fully mention that in the vid. also this weekend, we will be in wine country all day as well as an event so that slashed a number of meals. -
🖤 CAPSULE WARDROBE: https://essellesse.com/capsule-wardrobe-june-2019/ 🖤 -
📀 PLAYLIST: http://bit.ly/summernightsxyz 📀
_songs in this vid: 
___STAR GUITAR by Shinichi Osawa & Pogo
___Digitalism remixed by Shinichi Osawa
___my spotify: http://bit.ly/slsspotify -
💾 MY BLOG: WWW.ESSELLESSE.COM 💾 -
⚜️ MORE @WHOLEFOODS BEAUTY HERE: https://essellesse.com/category/lifestyle/beauty/whole-foods-beauty/ ⚜️
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boring hashtags: #sfblogger #sanfrancisco #groceryhaul #wholefoods #sanfrancisco #healthycooking #groceries #lifeandthyme #whatigot #fortwo #forone #healthyrecipes #healthylifestyle # igerssf #sanfrancitizens #cooking #lifestyleblogger #california
  • felt cute bc we finally had the first sunset after the heatwave 🌇📟 #slsootd
  • marina strolls in this lighting = one of my fav things ⚜️ did a quick q&a today in my stories of you want to check it out, in fact I used the vsco filter mentioned on this photo! 🔆 #slssf #marinadistrict #marinasf
  • #capsulewardrobe still going strong 🐩 it’s been fun to rewear and restyle all the same items and create a “uniform” - {especially since we have a shopping ban in full effect!} 💕 #slsootd #depop #christiandior #lookdujour #lazyluxury
  • My fav dispensaries in SF + Napa are live on essellesse.com 💚 link in bio 🌁 #slssf #goldengatebridge #mysf
  • My fav SF restaurant: @mr_rintaro 🏮 if you’re in SF and love Japanese cuisine, you will LOVE, trust me. 🍶 here I have the KAISEN MORIDON SET: chopped sashimi over hot rice w / big eye tuna, baja yellowtail amberjack, konbu-cured halibut, swordfish belly, & half moon bay wasabi 👅 any other japanese places I need to go in sf let me know!  #slssf #sfeats #rintaro

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