it's harder than it looks

This is a new series and verrry quickly becoming a favourite of mine!!

Today’s question:

How do you stay positive?

Very recently, I realized I was actually a very negative person & the only person it was hurting was myself. My mind had negative thoughts about everything: from my home life to my personal life to my work life, the glass was always half empty.

A few weeks ago, I was listening to a podcast. This one to be exact, and it really hit me how my negativity was effecting me, well, negatively.

You are what you attract & I realized I needed to step it up for my own mental health.

FIRST THINGS FIRST: one thing that was surprisingly shocking to me is how much easier it is to be negative than positive.

I guess I actually shouldn’t be too surprised because it parallels my favourite book of all time: Purgatorio by Dante Aligheri.

Purgatorio is the second story of The Divine Comedy about Dante following his mentor out of hell {Inferno} along Purgatory mountain which is how to get to heaven & the stars {aka Paradisio}. Basically, the journey is so hard & the mountain is so challenging to climb so Dante basically tells Virgil: kcuf it, I’d rather just stay in hell. Virgil basically tells him to snap tf out of it & with that attitude, he will never get where or what he wants.

In fact, it’s my favourite verse of the whole Comedy – interestingly enough, Dante wrote it half to himself as he was writing the Comedy because he found himself uninspired to finish writing it back in the very early 1300s {which is to this day, The Divine Comedy one of the most famous stories of all time – imagine if he just said fuck it and never finished it it?}:

“”Up on your feet! This is no time to tire!’ my Master cried. ‘The man who lies asleep will never waken fame, and his desire—and all his life drift past him like a dream, and the traces of his memory fade from time, like smoke in air, or ripples on a stream, therefore, rise. Control your breath, and call upon the strength of soul that wins all battles unless it sink in the gross body’s fall. There is a longer ladder yet to climb: this much is not enough. If you understand me, show that you mean to profit from your time.” 

ANYWAYS, this was a bit of a tangent. But my point is being positive is hard. HARD. It’s so hard. Negativity & staying in hell is quite easy, but positivity & reaching for the stars is hard. These sentences alone already feel so negative! & to my point they were easy to write, ha

But in my book, it’s the secret to success in both personal and professional life. Not only that, it’s CONTAGIOUS.

Smile at someone & I promise, they will smile at the next stranger they walk by.

Positivity also leads to productivity sooooo okay…..

how do I stay positive?

First things first, every morning when I wake up, I acknowledge that I’m tackling the challenge of staying positive today. I am a Challenger, after all 😉 I make the very conscious decision on which wolf I want to feed & which one I’ll let starve: the negative wolf or the positive wolf. {v inspired by the story of 2 wolves}

Next: Erik & I implemented a new rule – NO COMPLAINING. This may sound silly, but it really changes the way you think and vocalize things.

I actually decided to implement this because honestly? anytime I got on instagram, I was surrounded by complaints. These days, I’m much more protective over my online energy and what gets transferred. If someone complains too much, I unfollow. OPT OUT of the negativity, pls. This helps a LOT and keeps the good energy flowing.

A tip I learned when I worked in fine dining was to never say the words “no problem” since it insinuates that there was an unspoken problem that you let slide. Instead, try “you’re welcome” or “my pleasure” – both are more positive, shows gratitude, & does not have the word “no”. Replacing or omitting words {even if I’m not speaking them but thinking them!!!!} really helps me. Instead of “ugh I have to do xyz today”, it’s “I get to do xyz today”. Other words to rid yourself of: “fine”, “very”, or speaking passively. So if Erik asks me how my day was, the answer isn’t “fine” or “good” or “ok” or “awful”. Instead, on a tough day it’s: “work today was challenging bc xyz happened but I did zyx and got through it & I also accomplished yzx”. Not only does it create better conversations, but it also allows yourself to reflect on something that could have been negative or a complaint in a positive light.

One of my fave positivity tips that helps me a lotttt is having positive playlists!! Here are a few of my favourite “feel good” playlists. They always do the trick! I love this feel good pop one, this one for tropical house, & tbh?? There’s something about PITBULL that always makes me feel happy!!!!

Finally, I find little things to do that, without fail, makes me happy. Sometimes it’s spending 15 full minutes with my cat {pets! are! the! best!}, sometimes it’s a long salt bath, sometimes it’s making a cup of tea from start to finish {soooo therapeutic & can take up to 15 minutes}, sometimes it’s cooking, sometimes it’s walking to the ocean, sometimes it’s just going upstairs on our deck and doing NOTHING while staring at the Golden Gate Bridge… either way, they are easy, quick, relatively free things I can do when I feel negativity creeping in me. I find 15 minutes is my magic number and afterwards, I feel refreshed and positive.

If you are trying to live more positively & things are weighing on you – write it out. Let it all out. All the negativity, complaints, worries etc. Spend NO MORE than 20 minutes on it & just let it all out. It goes from your mind on paper & can really help with clarity. You can keep the papers or you can burn it. Whenever I write it all out, I literally never look back on it. I have a journal where I stream of conscious my head & EVERY time I write in it is the last time I look at it. Yes, there’s negativity, complaints, fears, worries… they’re all there but it’s all closed up in a book and wrapped with a bow 🙂

If your day could use a little more positivity, there are little things you can do:

Go in a private room somewhere and take a few minutes to just stop, focus, and breathe.

If you are feeling overwhelmed or frustrated, send someone you love a text {don’t DM!!!!}, I promise – PROMISE – it will make you feel better.

always remember with everything: the solution is more important than the problem. Don’t focus on what’s weighing you down, but focus on what can bring you right back up.

If you woke up on the wrong side of the bed, spend the day taking care of yourself: maybe it means lunch at your favourite place, treating yourself to a nice coffee break, saying NO to after work plans when you don’t feel like it, enjoying a good glass of wine, making your favourite dinner, taking a long bath, and watching a guilty pleasure… the list goes on so indulge <3

here’s erik’s much, much shorter answer 🙂

Consistent reminders to stay positive, focusing on good things that happen and telling myself that bad things are just a patch of bad luck

lazy luxury

How about you: how do you stay positive?

I strongly believe positivity leads to major productivity! xo


~* loving these books too – one majorly helped me shape up my positive thinking *~

~* need a good playlist to work to? this one is my fave & I always get so much done to it! *~

~* edited with the “Boudoir” preset – coming soon! get on the list here *~

about essellesse

essellesse is a lazy luxury lifestyle platform by Shannon Silver focusing on everything that’s important to living your best life – great food, wine, travel, vintage style, fitness and skincare. essellesse evokes a style of lazy luxury that’s fun, intimate, and easy breezy.

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